she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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