I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
