living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
