just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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