Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
