Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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