I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
