While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
