Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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