yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
