I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
