lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
