he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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