remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize