You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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