oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
