Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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