is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
