yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
