it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
did you just send me my own nude
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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