I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
