I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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