Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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