i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
