Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
