i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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