Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize