I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
