These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I want to be your penis for a week.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
