Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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