what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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