the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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