Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
you had me at cake vodka
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
