some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
