Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
