please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize