I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
