he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
