I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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