Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
