...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
