we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
