i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
