We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
