He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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