hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
