saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
