are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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