I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize