so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
