We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We're too hungover to prance.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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