this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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