1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
