He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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