Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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