i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
