Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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