you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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