I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Oh god it's open bar.
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