I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
