im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I smell stomach acid.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
