you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
