are you still at the devil's house?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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