There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
