We're facebook friends in real life
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
