my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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